In April 1956. I prayed a doubtful prayer. What I mean is, it is doubtful whether I should have prayed it. But I did.
I had just heard a very moving sermon by Dr. Hugh C. Benner, general superintendent of the Church of the Nazarene (of which I was a member). He preached a sermon on “The Mind of Christ” from Philippians 2:5-12 (the basis for my book Imitating Christ – called Meekness and Majesty in England, using Graham Kendrick’s wonderful hymn as the book title and theme for each phrase in Philippians 2:5ff – Graham also wrote the Foreword). Dr. Benner’s sermon drove me (literally) to my knees. He made the point that Jesus, though being in the form of God, not only became man but even became the “lowest possible shame”. I got on my knees, being so overcome by his message that I prayed – with all my heart: “Lord, make me the lowest possible shame for your glory”.
When I prayed that prayer I was sitting on the top of the world. I had been given a brand new Chevrolet by my grandmother. I was pastor of the Church of the Nazarene in Palmer, Tennessee – traveling there on weekends and studying at Trevecca Nazarene College (now University) Monday through Friday. I was assistant to Dr. William Greathouse, the Dean of Religion at Trevecca. I had a bright future in that denomination; indeed, seemingly heading for prominence – possibly in the footsteps of the man my Dad named me after, Dr. R. T. Williams.
Here’s the thing: I prayed that prayer and meant it with all my heart; there was no way on earth that I knew of that such a prayer could be answered although I knew (somehow) that it would be answered.
Why did I pray that prayer? I cannot be sure why I prayed that prayer. Was it pseudo guilt that I was too happy? Was it the Holy Spirit who applied Dr. Benner’s sermon so deeply – or did I apply it beyond what the Lord was leading me to? I only know that within days of praying that prayer a number of decisions were presented to me that led to (1) my resigning my little church in Palmer; (2) deeply disappointing my Dad by certain decisions I felt compelled to make; (3) my grandmother asking for me to give her the keys to that new Chevrolet (she gave it to my Dad); and (4) relatives in the family saying to me “You are a disgrace, a shame.”
When I heard the word “shame” I suddenly remembered my prayer. Oh dear. I had asked for it. If that moment was not an answer to my prayer I don’t know what was. My father demanded that I pay rent to stay in his home. I started working for a dry cleaner’s establishment. I found a different denomination which upset my Dad all the more. Within four months of praying that prayer I was working as a salesman door to door selling baby equipment.
Should I have prayed that prayer? You tell me. I only know that it changed my life and set it on a different course. But I can add this: be careful what you pray for! God may answer you!
RT
You can read much more about this in my book: Imitating Christ available at a discount for this month.
